Hi folks<\/p>\n
My fiancee and I are making big plans.<\/p>\n
After a more than a year in some sort of lockdown, we\u2019ve decided our wedding day will be a double celebration to mark the beginning of our life long union and the start of the \u2018new normal\u2019.<\/p>\n
Unfortunately, the three mainstays of what appears to be the \u2018new normal\u2019 are not an option for me: I drive a taxi so can\u2019t work from home,\u00a0 I live in a flat so can\u2019t build an extension and I suffer fur allergies so I can\u2019t buy a dog.\u00a0 However, I won\u2019t be completely left behind in a pre-pandemic dark age. I will keep home baking.<\/p>\n
My newest skill learned in lockdown will be put to good use for our wedding day. I\u2019m already busy tweaking the design and perfecting the recipe of my Taxi wedding cake.<\/p>\n
Cutting the cake will form part of our Wedding Day Pathway to boisterously burst into married life. There will be 6 key phases:<\/p>\n
Phase 1 – The Ceremony.<\/strong> We only move out of this phase when the bride has been kissed.<\/p>\n Phase 2 \u2013 The Meal.<\/strong> We only move out of this phase when somebody has laughed at a joke in the Groom\u2019s speech. This could be the longest phase in the pathway.<\/p>\n Phase 3 \u2013 The Cake.<\/strong> We only move out of this phase when the Taxi cake has been cut.<\/p>\n Phase 4 \u2013 The Dancing<\/strong>. We only move out of this phase when a drunk Uncle has led a conga out the fire exit door.<\/p>\n Phase 5 \u2013 The Singing.<\/strong> We only move out of this phase when the Father of the Groom has finished wailing to Sailing<\/em><\/p>\n Phase 6 \u2013 Our New Normal.<\/strong> Life begins as a married couple but without a dog.<\/p>\n This is a deliberately carefree approach which guests will be urged to comply with to ensure the Enjoyment rate remains >1. This means there will be an exponential increase in fun on our wedding day.<\/p>\n We are very optimistic, helped by the successful roll-out of coronavirus vaccines,\u00a0 that we can move into Our New Normal on Saturday 28th<\/sup> August.\u00a0 Those aged over 60 will be the first to receive invitations.<\/p>\n Hopefully, we won\u2019t be forced into any embarrassing U-turns on our wedding plans. The vaccination programme actually seems to be going well and I\u2019ve been taking a few over 70\u2019s for their jabs. Read on for my latest Sound Off (cabbie punter privilege applied).<\/p>\n \u201cHello. Are you in ok? Got your seatbelt on?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cRight we\u2019ll get going then. You\u2019re going to the Medical Centre?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said ARE YOU GOING TO THE MEDICAL CENTRE?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I know it\u2019s been terrible but there\u2019s light at the end of the tunnel now. And the weather\u2019s getting better too.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou were wiser staying indoors. I had a serious vehicle accident.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, not in my taxi. On my sledge.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, me and my dad normally meet up to play golf.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, we\u2019re still allowed to do that for daily exercise. But the course was closed cos of all the snow.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI said THE COURSE WAS CLOSED BECAUSE OF SNOW.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I should have stayed indoors and watched the lovely Lorraine too but me and my dad thought it would be a good idea to meet up to go sledging instead for our daily exercise.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, your hearing aid\u2019s fine. I did say sledging.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWe already had one. It\u2019s been hanging up in my dad\u2019s garage since I was a kid.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, my age wasn\u2019t the problem. My weight was though. And my competitiveness.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, cos I\u2019m a bit heavier now than when I was a lad, my sledge wouldn\u2019t budge from the top of the slope unless I was pushed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was a bit embarrassing. My dad had to give me a push\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, good exercise for him too but then once he got me started I accelerated downhill like an articulated lorry down a bobsleigh track.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know the big sledges at the Winter Olympics. And then I challenged a couple of cocky kids laughing at me to a race.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, your hearings aid\u2019s still working. I was determined to win so I thought I would go down skeleton bob style.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh that\u2019s when\u00a0 one person goes down the track head first on a tiny tin tray.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSeemed like a good idea at the time so I lifted up my sledge and when my dad dropped his hanky to signal the start of the race I took a running start and jumped on my sledge.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe two kids got off to a faster start but lying streamlined on my stomach I picked up speed quickly and had just overtaken them when I hit the lip of the bunker on the 15th fairway.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep, just like a ramp. I soared through the air like a handsome Eddie the Eagle and then after a few exhilarating seconds of flight I landed with a thump.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYep, just like Eddie.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell I thought I had when I heard a loud crack and felt a searing pain but luckily the crack was my sledge breaking and not my arm.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m sure your arm will be fine after your jab. Here were are. That\u2019ll be \u00a33 please. I\u2019ve knocked the initial charge off for people getting jabs.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi folks My fiancee and I are making big plans. After a more than a year in some sort of lockdown, we\u2019ve decided our wedding day will be a double celebration to mark the beginning of our life long union and the start of the \u2018new normal\u2019. Unfortunately, the three mainstays of what appears to …<\/p>\n