Dad complains about the racket from the stereo but it gives him another good excuse to grumble. He should be grateful for mum\u2019s modernity.\u00a0 If it wasn\u2019t for her he would be a sad 70s parody –\u00a0 an ageing cross between Rod Stewart and Dick Emery.<\/p>\n
The thing is, I totally get why Susie enjoys spending time with my mum. My Sound Off style is definitely influenced by her ideas.\u00a0 Read on for my latest (cabbie-punter privilege applied)…<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere to, Sir?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo problem, won\u2019t take long today.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, very quiet. Journey\u2019s are quick but business is slower than a vote count in a key swing state.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo idea either. But I know I owe Uncle Hamish an apology.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI likened Trump to him which I deeply regret. That is a whole new level of insult which a slightly mad Uncle doesn\u2019t deserve.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, cos it\u2019s a swear word it won\u2019t be in the dictionary but it would be given a new colour on the insult spectrum.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThink of insults as colours. A mild insult would be a light shade of yellow and the most offensive insult bright red.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, numpty is a good yellow word.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep, both of those.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEejit is my favourite. I use that a lot. Especially when I\u2019m out with my dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, then it moves to Orange when parts of the anatomy are used to cause mild offence.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, that\u2019s an orange insult.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, Orange.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCrikey, you\u2019re on a roll.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHold it there. You\u2019ve now crossed into red.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo need to apologise.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, previously it ended with the \u2018C\u2019 word which is bright red, like a post box.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNow it\u2019s extended way beyond to include the \u2018T\u2019 word and a new shade of dark red.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTrump…excuse my language.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s not an everyday swear word. You would only bring out for maximum effect.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo, imagine you\u2019re talking about somebody that\u2019s nasty and horrible with no redeeming qualities.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cRight, that person would be a \u201ctotal Trump\u201d. Or if somebody has seriously upset you, you could say: You\u2019re a complete Trump.\u201d<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/taxiboardgame.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/taxitrump-300x300.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, it would need to be really, really serious to fire off the \u2018T\u2019 word.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, in that context it would be deserved.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, too extreme for that situation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat sits at the old end of the spectrum. You\u2019d want to tone that down to a Farage.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLet me think\u2026.\u2018What a Hancock\u2019 would be yellow.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe\u2019s definitely Orange.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to be.\u00a0 You could use any politician to level an insult. Left wing or right wing doesn\u2019t matter, even the ones in the centre.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHaha. What was it they called him…Paddy Pantsdown.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, their brains definitely work differently. They all show signs of Politician Spectrum Disorder.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, it\u2019s not recognised medically but it should be. Every politician suffers from it.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYep, every one of them. Name another.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cGordon Brown is yellow, like if somebody tried to do the right thing but it went embarrassingly wrong you would say: You made a right a Gordon of that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh! Blair! He\u2019s still moving along the spectrum. He was just very good at disguising the extreme signs.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDeep into Red now.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u00a0 it\u2019s not something that can be cured. But they should all get access to free therapy. Actually, this has given me an idea.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, medicine is not for me. I\u2019m born to be behind the wheel. I\u2019m thinking my sponsors at Taxi! Board Game should launch a Westminster edition.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey already sell city editions and they\u2019ve just launched new editions for Manchester<\/a> and Liverpool<\/a>.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGreat fun. Best board game of 2020. I\u2019m hoping to get a new edition in my Christmas stocking.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSize 11s. Here we are, sir. That\u2019ll be \u00a36 please.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi folks, I\u2019ve been wrapping myself in my morning comfort blanket to make me feel less anxious and insecure. The world seems a much better place for the hour I spend with the lovely Lorraine Kelly each morning. Our governments continue to throw us Coronavirus curve balls at the rate of a malfunctioning baseball pitching …<\/p>\n