Hi Folks<\/p>\n
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I\u2019m back in my cab but the relaunch party for a pristine Queen Lorraine II<\/em> was not the lavish affair I had imagined to celebrate our release from lockdown. Driving my cab to meet my mum and dad in a local park would not ordinarily be considered the social event of the summer.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Our Phase 1 Party in the Park felt like an occasion though so we agreed to make an effort. I ironed my shirt and my dad pulled on his favourite Pringle sweater. I didn\u2019t like to say but I think my mum was a little overdressed. She looked like the mother of the bride at a high society wedding. Her choice of head wear may have been stylish but it wasn\u2019t practical for an outdoor meeting on a windy day. I maintain stepping on her Fascinator after a particularly strong gust of wind had blown it from her head towards other groups meeting in the park was the only way for me to catch it whilst maintaining a safe physical distance. It\u2019s the first time I\u2019ve heard my mum swear.\u00a0 These are extraordinary times.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n And extraordinary times call for the purchase of replacement hats online and additional hygiene measures in Queen Lorraine II<\/em>. Hand sanitiser gels have replaced Magic Tree Air Fresheners in the punter cabin and after every fare I clean all surfaces with anti-bacterial wipes. My punter bunter hasn\u2019t changed though and cabbie-punter privilege still applies \u2013 what you say in the cab stays in the cab.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Here\u2019s my first Phase 1 Sound Off…<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cGood afternoon, sir.\u00a0 Help yourself to a squirt of hand gel. Where to today?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOkay. Hampden here we come. Won\u2019t take long. The roads are still quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cDefinitely getting busier. I\u2019m just back on the road myself. I thought I should lock up Queen Lorraine<\/em> for lockdown – Stay at Home, Save Lives, Protect the NHS and all that important pandemic stuff.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah, unless you are a senior government adviser. They were making more dangerous journeys than Lisa Kelly.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOne of the Ice Road Truckers. You know, the guys who drive articulated lorries across frozen lakes.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, not really a fan. I\u2019m devoted to her namesake.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, he\u2019s gone to the big musical in the sky.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNot him either. But funnily enough my dancing has been compared to his.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah, he did present quizzes. I\u2019m not sure where the dancing comparisons came from.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThe lovely Lorraine Kelly.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYes, I did. I figured planes and ships get named so why not my taxi. And who better to name her after than the very lovely Queen of Morning Telly.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNever missed it during lockdown. A bowl of Muesli and a half hour in Lorraine\u2019s company is a great start to the day. Were you working during lockdown?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWho do you work for?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cCrikey. No wonder you were busy then. What exactly happened with Dundee\u2019s vote?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t worry. You\u2019re covered by cabbie-punter privilege. What you say in the cab stays in the cab. I\u2019ve had loads of people sharing relationship troubles. Feel free to get it off your chest.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cDid they really?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo way!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHe never did!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWhat was he thinking!\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI have sympathy for you. It\u2019s an impossible situation. There\u2019s not a right answer. People talk about upholding sporting integrity but that was lost as soon as Coronavirus forced the suspension of all Scottish football for at least three months. A fracture as severe as that could never fully heal. I think Clubs and fans have to accept their fate decreed by pandemic. For the good of the game, and their club, they should forget the legal distractions and get on with preparing for next season.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThanks, I take pride in my Sound Offs. I think punters expect it as part of their personal transport experience. There is one good thing to come out of the situation.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s given my taxi sponsors some interesting questions for updated editions of\u00a0Taxi! The Board Game.\u00a0<\/em>Actually, could you help with answers to a couple of new questions for the Celtic edition?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cGreat. First one. How were Celtic finally declared Scottish Premiership champions for the 2019\/20 season?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll need to run it by the guy in charge of questions but I\u2019m sure we can fit \u2018by unanimous agreement\u2019 into the answer. Can I run another one by you?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cBy how many points did Celtic finish ahead of second placed Rangers in the final league standings\u00a0of the 2019\/20 season?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh! Very precise. Could we round that to 0.4 points per game? Or should we use thirteen as the difference in total points when the league was suspended?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah, we could accept both.\u201c<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo thanks. I\u2019m not so sure many questions will be asked about this season in any updates to the Hearts edition.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep. Probably best forgotten for Hearts fans.\u201d.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHere we are, sir. That\u2019ll be\u00a0\u00a34\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi Folks I\u2019m back in my cab but the relaunch party for a pristine Queen Lorraine II was not the lavish affair I had imagined to celebrate our release from lockdown. Driving my cab to meet my mum and dad in a local park would not ordinarily be considered the social event of the …<\/p>\n