Hi folks<\/p>\n
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I\u2019ve been thinking a lot during lockdown which for me can be quite dangerous. There is a strong, lingering smell of burning around my home and it\u2019s played havoc with my smoke alarm.<\/p>\n
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But living on your own during a pandemic leaves time for reflection in between Zoom calls. Figuratively speaking, I\u2019ve picked up a fare from lockdown to self discovery. On my journey I\u2019ve found I can be happy without triple quilted loo roll, I don\u2019t need to shower every day to be a good person and playing board games is beneficial for my mental fitness. I actually came across an Edinburgh University Study which found that regularly playing board games slows the decline in your brain function as you get older. I\u2019ve not found a study that proves my hypotheses about loo roll though.<\/p>\n
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My big discovery is that I want to try again to find my soul mate: the one I can sound off to about my deepest fears and highest hopes and the one I would be happy to lose to when we play\u00a0Taxi! Board Game<\/em>. So, I uploaded my Epixel of Youth to a well known dating app.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n My problem is my erudite cabbie-punter banter buckles under romantic pressure. I\u2019m reduced from James Bond in my cab to Mr Bean on a first date. To help me through first date nerves, I\u2019ve swotted up on do\u2019s and don\u2019ts of dating and scribbled three reminders for a successful date on a scrap piece of paper:<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Read on for my first appearance on First Dates Zoom (usual privacy settings applied…)<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHello there. Nice to virtually meet you, Susan.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYes, I can see you.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Susie it is. You have lovely lockdown hair. It\u2019s very Hermione Grainger.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah. It\u2019s a compliment. I meant an older Hermione.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. No. I\u2019m not saying you look old. Do you like salt and vinegar or sauce on your chips?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Me too. I used to be a sauce man before I became a Personal Transport Professional.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI like to think there\u2019s more to being a good taxi driver than just getting punters to their destination. I like to add a personal touch.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, it\u2019s not the taste. I\u2019ve gone off sauce cos when it congeals it\u2019s really difficult to clean off Lorraine\u2019s seats.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cHaha. No, she\u2019s my cab. I named her after..err… You know, like they do ships and planes.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s a long story. Tell me about your job. It must be really interesting.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThat sounds rewarding. Helping people deal with their personal problems. My dad has suggested I should see a therapist.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI feel fine about\u00a0 it. My dad and me have a good relationship based on healthy competition and mutual mockery.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNah, we don\u2019t do much emotional stuff. We stick to what he calls our man-to-mans.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWell, we do shake hands.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI can tell you to the day. Our last hug was 16th June 1998.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cBecause it was the last time Scotland scored a goal in a major international football tournament.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYes, I do have a strong female role model. She\u2019s warm, generous and caring. Intelligent and funny too. She\u2019s a really important part of my life.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh yeah. And my mum as well. You\u2019re very good at this. I feel I could tell you anything. Do you have somebody who listens to you?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019d be happy to. I\u2019ve got a bit of counselling experience\u00a0 from my job.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cMost of the time it\u2019s sports, politics and celebrities but I\u2019ve been asked for marriage advice, career advice and even health advice.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. I can\u2019t say. Like in your line of work, cabbie-punter privilege is sacrosanct.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep, what\u2019s said in the cab stays in the cab. I\u2019ve also done a bit of self-therapy to help me deal with adverse experiences from my past.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWell, I\u2019ve not found any studies that help much. I think I might be breaking new therapeutic ground.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI suffer from something I call TED.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cTrauma from Early Dating.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt is. It can be quite debilitating.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI get flashbacks when I\u2019m in stressful dating situations. They become stronger and more vivid if I like the person. Wait. Give me a few seconds. I\u2019m having one now.\u201c<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah. I can hear you.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201c Okay….CaAalm.. Caaaaalm. Caaaaaaalm.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh. That\u2019s really worked. I feel better already. I\u2019m glad a professional was on hand.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh no. That\u2019s the time up warning already.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Me too.\u00a0 We should do this again.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cDefinitely. It was nice to met you,\u00a0Lorraine.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi folks I\u2019ve been thinking a lot during lockdown which for me can be quite dangerous. There is a strong, lingering smell of burning around my home and it\u2019s played havoc with my smoke alarm. But living on your own during a pandemic leaves time for reflection in between Zoom calls. Figuratively speaking, …<\/p>\n\n