Hi folks<\/p>\n
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Welcome back to Sound off Sam. It\u2019s good to have you as a passenger on my online journey although I\u2019d much rather be sharing banter with you as a punter in the back of\u00a0Queen Lorraine II,\u00a0<\/em>my cab named after the lovely Lorraine Kelly, Queen of Morning telly.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n My online Sound Offs are helping flatten the curve of my cabbie fever. I\u2019m only feeling mild symptoms so far – cramps in my pedal foot and itchiness in my indicator finger. I also dream about being on the road again. I think I even miss the red lights and road works that blight a cabbie\u2019s life.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Being a Personal Transport Professional is in my blood. I could honk like a car horn before I could talk which worried my mum enough for her to take me to the doctor. My dad likes to remind me the GP described me as an unusual case.\u00a0 As it turns it out, both were worrying needlessly about my speech development. I\u2019m never stuck for words now.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n When I was a kid I remember playing with toy cars for hours in my bedroom. Even at that young age, the writing was on the wall or, as I prefer to think of it these days, the fare was on the meter. I spent my time fashioning speed bumps out of Lego bricks placed under my rug and making long traffic jams from my big box of miniature cars that snaked out my bedroom door and into the hall.\u00a0 My mum\u2019s charity swear box received plenty of donations from my dad treading on my gridlocked Matchbox replicas. Funnily enough, my mum wished my skills at that age to quickly pick up\u00a0language and proudly repeat new words were not so developed.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I\u2019m not the only family member born to be a cabbie. My cousin Vinny also drives a taxi.\u00a0 Vinny was born and brought up in America but we built a special relationship playing at traffic jams and roadworks on our family visits which would alternate between the US and the UK. We still chat and the transatlantic culture clash gives us lots of scope to Sound Off.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Here\u2019s my Transatlantic Zoom with my cousin (usual privacy settings switched on)…<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWhere to Vinny?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cSorry, can\u2019t take you there. My hair stylist has a very select clientele.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cSalon de Sam. I did it myself.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve heard all the jokes already from my dad. Granted, it is more cutting hedge than cutting edge styling but it\u2019s growing on me\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah, fortunately my hair does grow quickly. Wait and see though. This will be one of two hot hair trends this summer.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cLike yours. Big hair will be making a big comeback, you know like in the 70s. You\u2019ll end up looking like our dads did back in their day.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah. Thought so. I used nail scissors. How\u2019s life in The Big Apple?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cImpressive sounding off. Good flow. You sound a bit like Ticked Off Vic. Have you seen him on YouTube?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah, literally spitting mad. I prefer to use a gentler tone in my Sound Offs.\u00a0 Do you remember Frank Bruno?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cBig Frank was a British boxer who fought Mike Tyson for the undisputed Heavyweight Championship.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201c1989 I think. I remember getting up in the middle of the night to listen on the radio with my dad.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah that was a big deal. It was a big fight at the time.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cCertainly not on the telly in our house. My dad was still excited to have Breakfast television but to be fair to him\u00a0Morning TV still is the best thing on the box.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh. Sorry. I was miles away there what were we talking about?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh. Yeah. The fight. Bruno was knocked out but he went down fighting.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, it probably made him even more popular.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. No. Brits don\u2019t love a loser. We we love a trier. Especially a nice, polite one.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAnd what\u2019s wrong with liking a cup of tea? You Yanks have it all wrong with your winning is everything, second is nothing approach. You know the best way to judge a person?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNope. Not teeth. That\u2019s another very American thing, by the way. No. You have to ask yourself one very important question.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, not that but as you\u2019ve asked – \u00a0my favourite was Baby Spice.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cBecause she had really nice teeth. But that doesn\u2019t say anything about me. Listen, I\u2019m trying to make a serious point about\u00a0a key guiding principle I use to live my life.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou could learn from it.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s simple. All you need to do is ask yourself one really important question about people you meet.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWould I want them to drive me home in a taxi?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. It\u2019s a fail-safe life tool, never lets me down. And I think you\u2019ll find it proves us polite. tea drinking Brits are best and you in-your-face, burger eating\u00a0Yanks are nowhere.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI can prove it with a quick test.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cBy asking the question.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cMy question. Have you even been listening?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cJust go with me. First up in the Brit v Yank Taxi Driver challenge:\u00a0 Who would you want to drive you home in a Taxi? Y – Mike Tyson or B – Frank Bruno.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, you definitely wouldn\u2019t. You\u2019d have to go with B. Okay. Number 2: Who would you want to drive you home in a Taxi? Y – Ticked Off Vic or B – Sound Off Sam?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep, agreed. I\u2019m like Frank Bruno and Ticked Off Vic is like an even angrier Mike Tyson.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo contest. Vic would definitely take me in a fight.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt wouldn\u2019t even last that long. I\u2019d pick up the towel and throw it in myself. I\u2019d be back in the changing room drinking a cup of tea before the bell for the end of the first round.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m a thinker not a fighter. Right, I\u2019ve got one for Number 3. Who would you want to drive you home in a Taxi? Y – Robert De Niro or B – Hugh Grant.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cReally? Are you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cSo, it\u2019s late at night. You\u2019re in a place you don\u2019t know. The streets are quiet. You stop a cab to take you back to your hotel on the outskirts of town. Who do you want to be your Taxi Driver: Travis Bickle or the bloke from Four Weddings and a funeral?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOkay, Okay. Look at it another way. De Niro does comedy, right?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cAnd Hugh Grant can play the villain too.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYes he can. He won awards a couple of years ago for playing Phoenix Buchanan.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThe baddie in Paddington 2. \u201c<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYes it is. He framed a bear. Paddington was sent down because of him.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep, a really nasty character. So, back to the question. Who would you want to drive you home in a Taxi? Y – The dad from\u00a0Meet the Parents\u00a0<\/em>or B – Phoenix Buchanan?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s okay. Changing your mind when new information becomes available is a sign of strength. Some politicians should learn that.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThe problem is he\u2019s out of his mind. That\u2019s given me another idea for our Taxi Driver Challenge: Who would you want to drive you home in a taxi? Y – Donald Trump or B – The Queen?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep. I’d prefer Queenie too. So another Brit picked.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt would be but she\u2019d get you home safely, And boring is good in a crisis. I bet you\u2019d be feeling safer if Trump was reading out what he was told and looking a bit bored by it?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep. Unbelievable. You couldn\u2019t make it up. You know who he reminds\u00a0me of?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cDid you ever meet Uncle Hamish?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOur dads\u2019 Uncle. So would that make him our Grand Uncle?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cComb-over and always wore a Star Trek tie,\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cThat wedding was an eye-opener. You know the free bar has been abused when the chief bridesmaid is throwing up into a plant pot.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh yeah. So they were, that’s the first time I saw my dad doing his Rod Stewart sing-along.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt was. He was wailing rather than sailing.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI still cringe and I still can\u2019t listen to Rod Stewart now.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYour dad\u2019s\u00a0New York New York<\/em>\u00a0was passable.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. Uncle Hamish was a shyer sort but Trump\u2019s daily ramblings remind me of Uncle Hamish.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cDid you never speak to him?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, Uncle Hamish.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve missed out. His answers to all the world\u2019s problems come from Star Trek.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cLike, food replicators to end famine in Africa and Transporters to reduce carbon emissions.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep, he would have a Star Trek cure for Coronavirus – his phaser would be set to kill.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep, much less dangerous than any of Trump\u2019s remedies. The difference is Uncle Hamish worked in a basement looking after big computers and only talked about his ideas after a couple of whiskies at a wedding. Trump is leader of a world superpower.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI bet you would. Uncle H would do a much better job. Right, It\u2019s 4-0 to the Brits. Any ideas to give you Yanks a consolation?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo contest. Lorraine every time. Which makes it 5-zip to the Brits.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cActually, The Taxi Driver Challenge does make a good game. Not as good as The Taxi Board Game though.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re a Taxi Driver collecting fares by answering questions and Sounding Off. There\u2019s a New York edition.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah I do. I\u2019ll test you with a couple of questions.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cLet me have a look. I don\u2019t want to make them too easy for a New Yorker.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cGive me a minute.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cRight. I\u2019m back. I\u2019m looking for good ones\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cSorry. I\u2019ve found two questions. Let\u2019s see how you do. You ready?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cFirst question:\u00a0 De Niro, Jodie Foster, Harvey Keitel and Cybil Shepherd all starred in which 1976 film.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cMine too. Taxi Driver is correct. We\u2019re running out of time. Second Question:\u00a0 1970\u2019s Serial Killer, David Berkowitz is better known by what nickname?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cCome on. I need an answer New York.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. He was a Stock Broker. David Berkowitz is better known as \u2018Son of Sam\u2019. Which leads to the obvious question.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWho would you want to drive you home in a taxi? Y – Son of Sam or B – Sound Off Sam?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo, Vinny, That\u2019s not a question from the Taxi Board Game. Stay healthy.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi folks Welcome back to Sound off Sam. It\u2019s good to have you as a passenger on my online journey although I\u2019d much rather be sharing banter with you as a punter in the back of\u00a0Queen Lorraine II,\u00a0my cab named after the lovely Lorraine Kelly, Queen of Morning telly. My online Sound Offs …<\/p>\n