Hi Folks<\/p>\n
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Lock-down isn\u2019t going to get me down. I\u2019ve got myself into a nice wee routine that stops me getting too bored.<\/p>\n
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I start my days with the lovely Lorraine. Normally, I only get a sneaky peak of the Queen of Morning Telly by streaming her on my phone when I\u2019m waiting at a rank. Watching Lorraine in my boxers whilst eating a bowl of muesli still feels like a bit of a treat. If I really want to indulge I have Coco Pops instead and deliberately put in too much milk.<\/p>\n
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After lunch, I re-visit some old favourites from the comfort of my sofa. I\u2019m a big Harry Potter fan and I\u2019ve been re-reading all the books on my lock-down sofa sessions. The books are magical and I love them all, even the one with more than 800 pages. I usually have a rule about the number of pages in a good book. A good book must be able to fit into my taxi cab glove compartment. Harry Potter has been the exception to my good book rule. I had to pimp my ride with a book shelf when I was reading them.<\/p>\n
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Then in the evening, it\u2019s lock-down board game time. I\u2019ve been playing solo scrabble which I\u2019m getting good at. The other night I got an eight letter word: lenticel. I dredged that one up from high school biology and got it on a double word score. I was well chuffed. And I\u2019ve also been playing my favourite game which lets me Sound Off to friends and family on Zoom (usual privacy settings applied…)<\/p>\n
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\u201cWhere to, folks?\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cYes. It is me, mum.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo. I\u2019m not a Zoom party crasher, dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cIt is me. It must be my lock-down haircut.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cOkay If I have to. It won\u2019t help my cabbie fever but I\u2019ll turn around.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cMake sure he puts money in the swear box for that mum. I gave myself a haircut.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo. I didn\u2019t use garden shears, dad. I used a pair of nail scissors.\u201d<\/p>\n
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“Okay, it\u2019s more Dumb and Dumber Jim Carrey than Vidal Sassoon but it is not easy cutting your own hair with nail scissors.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cYeah. How could I forget? Those haircuts traumatised my school days.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cWell it was you that made me go there, mum. Why do you keep that photo of me with one of Bobby\u2019s Barbers specials on the mantel piece?\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo I don\u2019t look cute, mum. I look like Jim Carrey from Dumb and Dumber.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cWell you know what they say, dad. Like father like son.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cDo you think? Well we\u2019ll soon find out who\u2019s dumb and who\u2019s dumber.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo, we won\u2019t get silly mum. And I was 12 when I stabbed dad with the Cluedo dagger.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo dad, I wasn\u2019t aiming for your eye. It was an accident.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cIt was. How many times do I have to say sorry. I was only 12. What was your excuse when you demolished my houses on Mayfair? We never did find the wee Scottie dog after that outburst.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cOK. mum. Sorry. I promise no board game bust ups.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cWe\u2019re playing my favourite game tonight \u2013 The Taxi Board Game. It was invented by a fellow cabbie whilst he was sitting at ranks waiting on fares.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cI read Harry Potter and watch Lorraine.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cYeah. Thanks mum, I will ignore him. Watching Lorraine is lightly entertaining and educational. Anyway, the rules are simple. You start at the Taxi Rank with \u00a320 and whoever has most money at the end of the shift wins. You earn money by picking up fares, answering questions correctly and, most importantly, by using key words or phrases in a Sound Off.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cYep, you can lose money too if you get stuck in a diversion or you might have to pay something out on a Give or Take card.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cDon\u2019t worry. it\u2019s dead easy and lots of fun. We\u2019re playing the Great Britain Edition tonight. Have you got your dice?\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cGood. You roll and I\u2019ll move your counter around my board.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cThat\u2019s rich coming from the man who ram raided houses on Mayfair. Of course I\u2019ll count them out properly.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cWe\u2019ll play for half an hour. That\u2019s all the time we\u2019ve got left now after you giving me a hard time for my haircut. Roll to see who goes first.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cOcht! Only a one for me. You\u2019re first then mum. Roll your dice.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201c1-2-3-4. off to a good start mum. You\u2019ve got a \u00a36 fare to Brighton I\u2019ll add that to your stash. Right dad you roll now.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201c1-2-3-4-passing mum on the way to Brighton -5.You landed on a \u2018Give or Take\u2019 space dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cYou pick up a card and you can earn or lose money depending on the card. I\u2019ll pick for you… unlucky dad…your punter has run off without paying. You lose \u00a310. I\u2019ll pay that to the bank for you.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cOnly a couple of times. Hazard of the job though. Right, my turn. A 2 for me. 1-2. I have a \u00a32 question. I\u2019ll hold the card to the screen and one of you can read it out.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo I won\u2019t look at the answer, dad.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cI know that. Paul Daniel\u2019s assistant was Debbie. That\u2019ll be a \u00a32 tip for me, thank you very much.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cDaniels. Obviously.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cHow can it be McGee? You said wife as well.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cThat may have been her stage name but her real name would have been Daniels after they got married. I should still get my tip.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cOh. Okay then, if that\u2019s the answer on the card. I\u2019ll put my tip back. Your turn mum.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201c1-2-3. a question for a \u00a34 tip, mum. You ready.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cGuess where I got a fare to? The Battle of Culloden took place outside this Scottish city in 1746.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cYep. Well done mum. The Battle of Culloden took place outside Inverness. That\u2019s another \u00a34 in your takings. Right, dad, roll.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cC\u2019mon Dumber. You have to tell me what you throw.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201c1-2-3-4. my speciality. Sound Off. Dad, you have 30 seconds to Sound Off about football officials and you\u2019ll get \u00a34 for every key word or phrase you say.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cI\u2019ll check the key words and phrases on the card as you go. Start your Sound Off…now.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cWell. That was all a bit incoherent. You managed to blurt out \u2018Referee\u2019 and \u2018Card\u2019 so you get \u00a38.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo specs isn\u2019t listed as a key word.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cNo neither was that phrase. Mum, make sure you get the swear box donation for dad questioning the parentage of football officials. Right, my go again.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201c1-2-3-4-5. another question for me. I get a \u00a34 tip if I get it right this time. I\u2019ll hold up the card to the camera again.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201c1970s motorcycle stunt riders are a wee bit before my time but can I check you said he was born in London in 1959?\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cRight, I reckon I know. Just to clarify though. Do you want his real name or stage name?\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201c\u2019we want the answer on the card\u2019. Is that your new catchphrase, dad?\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cIt\u2019s not the catchiest catchphrase for a quiz.\u201d<\/p>\n
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\u201cHas to be Roy Walker\u2019s on Catchphrase<\/em>.\u00a0 \u2018It\u2019s good but it\u2019s not right\u2019. You also need to practice your delivery.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNope. Try again with a wee sideways look to camera and a wink.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cLooks like you were having a stroke, dad. Still needs a bit more work.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo mum the teachers were wrong. I wasn\u2019t easily distracted. I just had an enquiring mind.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOkay. Okay.\u00a0 I\u2019ll give you both names to make sure I give you the answer on the card…the 1970\u2019s motorcycle stunt rider born in London in 1959 was Evil Knievel also known as Barry Sheen.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s so funny dad?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cOh. Eddie Kidd. Never heard of him. Is dad alright mum? I think he might be choking.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m glad I brought a little light relief to your lock-down. Can we continue please? Your go mum,\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cSix. Your zooming round the board, mum. You have another question. For a \u00a34 tip, mum: Guess who I\u2019ve had in my cab? This London-born actor starred as Professor Snape in the Harry Potter film series.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep. Alan Rickman. Another \u00a34 for you.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI still do mm. I\u2019ve been re-reading all the Harry Potter books.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cActually, I do. I still bring out my quidditch stick and put on the Harry Potter glasses and scarf for fancy dress parties.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t do it as well as you used to mum. Drawing a lightning scar on your forehead with a red felt tip pen is almost as hard as giving yourself a haircut.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. I still carry it off. People say I do resemble an older Harry Potter.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n “Yeah, okay dad, you have to imagine he\u2019s let himself go a bit but remember I did appear on TV as a Harry Potter look-a-like.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cWhen I was picked out the bookshop queue for an interview when Deathly Hallows was released. It\u2019s my claim to fame.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cIt is. They did an action shot of me too.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cRiding my quidditch stick and shouting \u2018Expelliarmus\u2019. I signed a couple of autographs after that. I was briefly as famous as Howard from the Bank of Scotland ads.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. It was those kids who were too young dad. It was midnight. They should have all been in bed. Anyway it\u2019s your turn.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cUnlucky dad. You\u2019ve landed on \u2018Re-fuel\u2019. You lose \u00a36.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cTo the bank and now to mum\u2019s swear box.\u00a0 Oh. That\u2019s the end of meeting warning popped up. You\u2019ve spent so much time taking the mickey out of me we\u2019ve only got time to finish this round. I\u2019ll take my last go.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cDad\u2019s nearly bankrupt but I could still beat you mum. I rolled a two. 1-2. Excellent. I get to finish with a Sound Off! I\u2019ll show you the card so you can take a note of the key words and tick them off as I say them.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo. I didn\u2019t see mum. Is that you getting competitive now?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNo need to defend yourself, mum.\u00a0 Just pointing out. Have you got a note of the words and phrases?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYep. Read out the subject then.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cBanking. Okay. Let me turn around to face away from you first. Oh! and let me grab my wok lid. Talk between yourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m back. My Sound Off will flow better from my natural cabbie-punter position.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re just trying to psych me out mum. I\u2019m not going to let another mocking comment disturb my focus. I\u2019m ready for Sound Off.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cRight. Here I go…Banking\u2019s changed a lot and it\u2019s not been for the better, in my opinion. Yeah, it\u2019s convenient to do some things online but as a cabbie a lot of my transactions are still in cash. I still need access to a branch to bank my takings but they\u2019re all closing down and when you go to one there\u2019s hardly anybody there to talk to. The personal touch has gone. In my line of work as a Personal Transport Professional I know how important the personal touch is. The banks have lost sight of that. They talk about customer service but they just want you to do all the work for them. It\u2019s a bit like me sitting in the back seat whilst the punter drives and I still charge them for the privilege.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYes. I do feel better. How much did my Sound Off earn me?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cNothing? Can\u2019t be…my natural eloquence surely earned me something. Let me look…did I not say any of those words.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYeah. I guess I did stray a bit from the core subject but that\u2019s how my Sound Off flow goes sometimes. I\u2019m never quite sure where my free form sounding off will take me or the punter. It\u2019s a taxi ride to the unknown for both of us.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cLet me cash up. Okay. Mum, you won with \u00a332, I had a quiet night and finished with \u00a320 and you managed to lose money dad.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou had only \u00a312 left which makes mum smart, me dumb and you dumber.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cTemper! Temper! Was that the dice he threw, mum?\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cGet him to look for the Scottie dog whilst he\u2019s at it. Speak soon.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u201cYou look after yourself too. Stay Healthy.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Hi Folks Lock-down isn\u2019t going to get me down. I\u2019ve got myself into a nice wee routine that stops me getting too bored. I start my days with the lovely Lorraine. Normally, I only get a sneaky peak of the Queen of Morning Telly by streaming her on my phone when I\u2019m waiting …<\/p>\n