Sound Off Sam 12 – Hidden Talents

Hi folks

I don’t know if I should admit to this…I breached safe distancing guidelines when David Marshall, the Scotland goalkeeper, heroically diving to his left, palmed away the final penalty of a tense shoot-out to win qualification for Scotland to next summer’s Euros Championship. My dad and me shared, briefly,  a hug for the first time since 16th June 1998 when Craig Burley scored Scotland’s last goal at the finals of a major international tournament.

Who knew Scotland would be so good at penalty shoot-outs? Their convoluted route to the final of Euros 2021 has revealed the players’ hidden talent for converting pressure penalties. As a Personal Transport Professional, I feel the most direct route should be taken to a destination but, in this instance, I’m delighted to pay the extra couple of quid on the meter!

Inspired by Scotland’s shoot-out heroics, I’ve been giving time to my hidden talent for rhyme by writing poems to pass the time. See how words just flow, I’ve shared more poetry below.

This one’s dedicated to my dad:

Oh dad, your jokes are so bad

Long past their tell by date

Wailing, with Rod to Sailing

Your karaoke tends to grate

But dad, don’t be too sad

Cos the rest of you is great

So dad, I always feel glad

To have you as my best mate

Okay. I write poetry like an England international takes a shoot-out penalty. Sounding off remains my Personal Transport Professional speciality. Read on for my latest (cabbie-punter privilege applied)…

“Where to, madam?”

“Hampden, here we come.  I hope I’m allowed to drive myself there in a personal capacity next summer.”

“To see Scotland in Euros 21.”

“Aw, it definitely is. It’s definitely cheered me up. And there’s been a few other good news stories in the last couple of weeks too.”

“Yeah, that’s one but they have to get him out first.”

“You would think but he manufactures his own reality. I think he believes he’s starring in his own reality TV show. He’s the old bloke equivalent of a Kardashian.”

“I reckon the only way to get him out is to starve him out.”

“Deprive of him burgers and then set up a huge barbecue outside the White House fence.”

“Yeah. And when he does, Kamala Harris jumps on him and Biden jogs into the White House and locks the door behind him.”

“She easily could.”

“No, he’s too old. He’d probably break a hip in the scuffle. He should stick to gentle jogging.”

“Not sure. He can only be better than Trump though. I hope he keeps his promise on a green new deal.”

“Yeah, saving the planet is in my blood. I’m part hippy on my mum’s side.”

“She is. She’s been preaching about protecting the planet for years. I was hugging trees and recycling long before Greta Thunberg was even a glint in her parents’ eyes.”

“We were both pleased. It’s good news but it’s not a plan. A plan needs detail. I’d call it a 10 point wish list.”

“No, he’s not.  I wouldn’t trust him to plan a Christmas night out with his chums at The Bullingdon never mind a path to Net Zero by 2050.”

“Okay, to be fair, it’s a step in the right direction… and his wish list includes some of the big changes we need to make.”

“Actually, I’m right behind the ban on new petrol engines.  I ditched the diesel and went electric when I invested in Lorraine.”

“My cab. I named her in honour of Lorraine Kelly.”

“I’m sure she would be. I reckon it would mean more to her than the CBE from the Queen. She hands them out like sweeties.”

“In the October Honours list. It was another good news story that brightened my day sitting at a rank.”

“I need all the good news I can get at the moment. Personally, I think she should have been made a Dame.”

“She does. She’s a national treasure, like David Attenborough. And he got a knighthood.”

“Lorraine makes a difference too and her good work deserves to be recognised.”

“For services to the nation’s mental health.  Her cheery persona at breakfast has kept millions going through lockdown.”

“Now, that was great news. It was like waiting on a bus.”

“We were waiting for ages then three vaccines come at once.”

“Who knows with Boris driving the bus but it gives us hope for next year.”

“I hope so but I’m not so sure. We talk about a new normal and building back better but, judging by the Scottish national football team, we’ll all quickly slip back into the old normal. Their results since qualifying for the Euros have been rubbish. I was glad to get more good news after those defeats.”

“My sponsors at Taxi! Board Game announced the launch of 5 new editions perfectly timed for Christmas.”

3 new sports editions and 2 new city editions. They have a great range to choose from.”

“You can buy them online. “

“I’ve already played them. I’m lucky enough to get them in advance.”

“All I want for Christmas now is lockdown restrictions to be safely eased and Mrs Brown’s Boys to be cancelled. Right, here we are. £6 please.”



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